In continuing from yesterday evening's start of a study of Romans 8, I'll be continuing my reflections on further passages in this chapter tonight.
Again, I'm writing these reflections down as a means of actively engaging the scripture instead of passively running my eyes over the text. Comments are appreciated, further elaboration, clarification or correction on my writing even more so. :]
By the way, I think I had a lot of different thoughts going through my mind yesterday. Since writing yesterday's entry, I realize that I wandered off several times from my main point and never came back to it. I was too caught up on the law for some reason. Hopefully I'll be able to stay on point tonight!
Verse 4: in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.
The righteous requirements of the law. First of all, what's it mean to be righteous? Here's one definition of it.
To be righteous would mean to be right, to be found in the right, to do what is right. I was only listing out thoughts as they came to mind and I've got to say, that's all I've got. To have right standing with God is only to be had by following his commandments, and Christian are to understand that they have the status of righteousness. Now, I'm about to go on a long tangent about the law, but I hope I can come back to what I am really addressing presently about this verse. We'll see.
The verse states "righteous requirements of the law." Well, again Paul's addressing the law (which is the law of God, not general law). The requirements of the law being that a person would have to fulfill it in its entirety (for, to break one law would be equivalent to breaking all of it since, in the end, a lawbreaker is a lawbreaker), and not just for one day, but for every day that a person lives. There are many laws, on top of the famous Ten Commandments; there are all the animal sacrifices that were offered on behalf of our sin, and another for the sin of others, and then another for the nation and so on and so forth. But acknowledging that God is who he is, he is pretty smart and knows that human beings being sinful and all, can not follow the law and he didn't give humans the law just to poke his righteous finger in our faces and say, "Ha-ha!"
I think he gave humans the law at all so that they can put their faith in Jesus. Simple as that. He is the savior, and he saves people from eternal spiritual death when they realize there is a standard for righteousness and they don't meet it and can admit that they need someone else to step in for them. So Jesus, having come in human form, lived life in perfect righteousness (in complete obedience to God's commandments) and then took the full punishment for the sins of those who would believe. And I explain this basically because in understanding why God revealed the law and why Jesus took on human form, it becomes clearer that the commandment of God that Christians are to follow in order to be ascribed righteousness is to believe in the Christ, the savior, to believe in Jesus. The only way for a sinner like me can become righteous is by trading in my sinfulness for the righteousness that Christ gives me when I put my faith in him.
With no transition, I move back to the verse.
"...in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us." Jesus taking on flesh and becoming like sinful man so that sin would be punished in the flesh. What's interesting is what happens as a result of having the law fulfilled in us by Christ, which is to have a new nature. Basically, that I am not living in the endless death cycle of sinning, sinning against and being sinned against, but that I am now enabled to live free from that because someone stopped the wheel from spinning long ago. I am instead guided by the Spirit of God who compels me to desire what is right.
I am beginning to ramble. I am forced to stop here and now. My mind is tired, but I still have so much to do.
Lord help me, not to despair but to look to your word for the truth I need to be founded on so that I'm not left feeling insecure and fragile every time something hard hits.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
A study of Romans 8:1-3 (NIV)
Verse 1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
Radical words for a person like me to read right now. I believe that human beings are well-acquainted with a sense of justice and what it means to have justice. Different countries have come to develop different justice systems, just as each person forms their own brand of personal justice (what a person believes that he/she should do in response to being wronged). The formation of these justice systems (whether personal or governmental) signifies that every person acknowledges that any person is capable of doing evil and that that evil action should be met with consequence, and this not just so that the action will be discontinued, but for the sake of the one who was wronged; that, I'll say, the victim and their natural rights are being recognized and protected by oneself (on the personal level) and by the greater body of people (on the level of government).
So I'm reading this verse in two ways:
1. As one who has faith in Christ Jesus, that I am no longer oppressed by the rightful consequences of my wrongs because of Jesus
2. By receiving this freedom, I am laying down my right to oppress others with my sense of justice - not that justice won't be delivered, but that my vengeful, resenting self will not be the administer of that justice
I don't know how to reconcile those thoughts in light of social justice, except to say that I think that maybe there's a line that, when crossed, a person needs to be brought to justice under governmental law, but still not under the personal justice that the victim might seek for themselves.
Verse 2: because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
This verse is talking about the law that believers are set free from; that believers are no longer under the oppression of endless sin and death.
I read a blog post recently that talked about how people with religious beliefs deny death, in the sense that, out of an inability to cope with the inevitability of death, religious people just choose to delay or ignore death or even the thought of death for as long as possible. So I want to clarify that the death that's being written about by Paul here is not talking about the physical death that everyone faces. But the Bible still clearly states that "the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus" (Rom 6:23), so doesn't that mean that Christians are in denial?
No, this is not the case. Though people might be tempted to pose that question and leave it at that, what they're doing is presenting a claim, and in academia, as my English 302 professor likes to stress over and over again, those who state a claim must also put forward the opposing claim and meet the evidence that the opposing claim has. So in this case, the opposing claim would be: that Christians fully acknowledge that there is an inevitable physical death that every human being must face, but they also acknowledge that there is a separate spiritual death that exists apart from the physical death. And here is evidence for this from the Bible, which many people (Christians and Non-Christians alike) like to cite: "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die" (John 11:25). There is a death that Jesus, himself, is acknowledging in this passage, but there is also a new life that he talks about, the life that is everlasting.
Verse 3: For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man,
A long passage.
I was talking about laws before, and the kind of law that I was addressing is the kind of law that human beings lay down through the structure of government. The law that is written about here (by the Apostle Paul, in case you were curious) is the law that God gave to the Israelites in the Old Testament section of the Bible. We can know this because Paul talks about the law in chapter 7 when he writes that "the law is holy" and "spiritual" (verses 12 and 14), and I think I can say with confidence that, while the laws that are written in government (in any government, past or present) are meant to protect or to create order, they are not meant to be regarded as perfect, holy, transcendent or spiritual (unless of course, you're talking about certain dynasties during specific time periods, like the Japanese for example, a people who'd considered their emperor was a god, a holy being, until they found out that the emperor is actually just another guy. Which is why they do not have the same system of government now as they did before, but all that to say that they might have ascribed spiritual value to their laws back then).
The law that God had given to the Israelites back in the Old Testament times did one thing and one thing only: to reveal what it means and what it takes to be holy. That being said, a byproduct of this function in the law is that it inversely exposes what sin is, much like the way that shining a flashlight shows where it is dark. We being sinful creatures, the law exposed a lot of darkness in us and the one thing that the law could not do was to make what is full of darkness (us) full of light. So Paul goes on to write that God did something. He did not just give the law, he knew the limitations of the law in that it could not save anyone from their sins, and that, though their sins are exposed, those that sin (sinners) are still under condemnation. In other words, just because everyone can see one persons mortal wound to the neck doesn't mean that that person is going to live, because just the exposure is not the healing.
What God did was to send himself to take our place. He sent "his own Son in the likeness of sinful man", meaning in human form (the immaculate conception, the manger, Gabriel and shepherds, and the gift-bearing wise men, aka Jesus was born). Why human form? Why not something magnificent, like a many-armed angel or a BA (referring to bad-a**, falling just short of academic here, I know) griffin that talks? I'm posing a somewhat tangential thought, but really, Jesus could have made it a little easier for us to recognize him as God by showing up as something supernatural. But Paul explained: "what the law was powerless to do...God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man" (verse 3).
It's beginning to click. God took on human form because it was necessary so that sin could be condemned in the flesh. The NIV (New International Version) of the Bible stated it a bit strangely, so here's another translation that's easier to understand.
I'm a Christian, and I've been what's called a born-again Christian since I was about 12 years old in 7th grade. It's so easy to just condense the message of the Bible (the Gospel) into bite-size phrases, like "Jesus loves me" or "He died on the cross for my sins" and to leave it at that. The reason why that's damaging is because, over a pro-longed period of time, that shallow thought is all I understand the Gospel to be and everything about who God is and how much he truly knows, loves and cares for me in every way. And suddenly, my relationship with God becomes more like a bad long distance relationship (bad in the sense that it doesn't make sense why God would want to continue being in this relationship with sinful, dysfunctional me) that I, being the fickle and neglectful one in the relationship, toy with ending every so often because I believe it's within my power and that it would have no adverse effects on me. Would it make more sense to adjust that analogy a bit and say instead that it my relationship with God becomes more like a woman in a long distance relationship with a man that is and has everything that she could possibly want, need or desire but she still sleeps around and toys with the thought of ending the relationship because she thinks she can get away with it? Because she thinks he will not know or won't care because she could phrase it just right when she asks for forgiveness so that he'll be sure to forgive her?
I'm not sure if that clarifies or complicates, but my point is (and I'll bring it to a close here for tonight) I have not been experiencing the richness and the depth of Christ and my relationship with God because I have not cared to seek him out. And I have not cared to seek him out because I have not been confronting the truth of my situation and what he's done and what he continues to do in sanctifying me, and the truth that I have not been confronting his the Bible, which contains the law, which reveals God's holiness and my sinfulness. This is why I'm writing this series of (my own personal) studies on Romans 8:
1. To bring myself to engage God's Word in a way that is active and requires both the discerning of heart and mind in unison
2. To present my thoughts for others to read or engage in if they so choose
For now I'll stop here.
God bless.
Radical words for a person like me to read right now. I believe that human beings are well-acquainted with a sense of justice and what it means to have justice. Different countries have come to develop different justice systems, just as each person forms their own brand of personal justice (what a person believes that he/she should do in response to being wronged). The formation of these justice systems (whether personal or governmental) signifies that every person acknowledges that any person is capable of doing evil and that that evil action should be met with consequence, and this not just so that the action will be discontinued, but for the sake of the one who was wronged; that, I'll say, the victim and their natural rights are being recognized and protected by oneself (on the personal level) and by the greater body of people (on the level of government).
So I'm reading this verse in two ways:
1. As one who has faith in Christ Jesus, that I am no longer oppressed by the rightful consequences of my wrongs because of Jesus
2. By receiving this freedom, I am laying down my right to oppress others with my sense of justice - not that justice won't be delivered, but that my vengeful, resenting self will not be the administer of that justice
I don't know how to reconcile those thoughts in light of social justice, except to say that I think that maybe there's a line that, when crossed, a person needs to be brought to justice under governmental law, but still not under the personal justice that the victim might seek for themselves.
Verse 2: because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
This verse is talking about the law that believers are set free from; that believers are no longer under the oppression of endless sin and death.
I read a blog post recently that talked about how people with religious beliefs deny death, in the sense that, out of an inability to cope with the inevitability of death, religious people just choose to delay or ignore death or even the thought of death for as long as possible. So I want to clarify that the death that's being written about by Paul here is not talking about the physical death that everyone faces. But the Bible still clearly states that "the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus" (Rom 6:23), so doesn't that mean that Christians are in denial?
No, this is not the case. Though people might be tempted to pose that question and leave it at that, what they're doing is presenting a claim, and in academia, as my English 302 professor likes to stress over and over again, those who state a claim must also put forward the opposing claim and meet the evidence that the opposing claim has. So in this case, the opposing claim would be: that Christians fully acknowledge that there is an inevitable physical death that every human being must face, but they also acknowledge that there is a separate spiritual death that exists apart from the physical death. And here is evidence for this from the Bible, which many people (Christians and Non-Christians alike) like to cite: "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die" (John 11:25). There is a death that Jesus, himself, is acknowledging in this passage, but there is also a new life that he talks about, the life that is everlasting.
Verse 3: For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man,
A long passage.
I was talking about laws before, and the kind of law that I was addressing is the kind of law that human beings lay down through the structure of government. The law that is written about here (by the Apostle Paul, in case you were curious) is the law that God gave to the Israelites in the Old Testament section of the Bible. We can know this because Paul talks about the law in chapter 7 when he writes that "the law is holy" and "spiritual" (verses 12 and 14), and I think I can say with confidence that, while the laws that are written in government (in any government, past or present) are meant to protect or to create order, they are not meant to be regarded as perfect, holy, transcendent or spiritual (unless of course, you're talking about certain dynasties during specific time periods, like the Japanese for example, a people who'd considered their emperor was a god, a holy being, until they found out that the emperor is actually just another guy. Which is why they do not have the same system of government now as they did before, but all that to say that they might have ascribed spiritual value to their laws back then).
The law that God had given to the Israelites back in the Old Testament times did one thing and one thing only: to reveal what it means and what it takes to be holy. That being said, a byproduct of this function in the law is that it inversely exposes what sin is, much like the way that shining a flashlight shows where it is dark. We being sinful creatures, the law exposed a lot of darkness in us and the one thing that the law could not do was to make what is full of darkness (us) full of light. So Paul goes on to write that God did something. He did not just give the law, he knew the limitations of the law in that it could not save anyone from their sins, and that, though their sins are exposed, those that sin (sinners) are still under condemnation. In other words, just because everyone can see one persons mortal wound to the neck doesn't mean that that person is going to live, because just the exposure is not the healing.
What God did was to send himself to take our place. He sent "his own Son in the likeness of sinful man", meaning in human form (the immaculate conception, the manger, Gabriel and shepherds, and the gift-bearing wise men, aka Jesus was born). Why human form? Why not something magnificent, like a many-armed angel or a BA (referring to bad-a**, falling just short of academic here, I know) griffin that talks? I'm posing a somewhat tangential thought, but really, Jesus could have made it a little easier for us to recognize him as God by showing up as something supernatural. But Paul explained: "what the law was powerless to do...God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man" (verse 3).
It's beginning to click. God took on human form because it was necessary so that sin could be condemned in the flesh. The NIV (New International Version) of the Bible stated it a bit strangely, so here's another translation that's easier to understand.
I'm a Christian, and I've been what's called a born-again Christian since I was about 12 years old in 7th grade. It's so easy to just condense the message of the Bible (the Gospel) into bite-size phrases, like "Jesus loves me" or "He died on the cross for my sins" and to leave it at that. The reason why that's damaging is because, over a pro-longed period of time, that shallow thought is all I understand the Gospel to be and everything about who God is and how much he truly knows, loves and cares for me in every way. And suddenly, my relationship with God becomes more like a bad long distance relationship (bad in the sense that it doesn't make sense why God would want to continue being in this relationship with sinful, dysfunctional me) that I, being the fickle and neglectful one in the relationship, toy with ending every so often because I believe it's within my power and that it would have no adverse effects on me. Would it make more sense to adjust that analogy a bit and say instead that it my relationship with God becomes more like a woman in a long distance relationship with a man that is and has everything that she could possibly want, need or desire but she still sleeps around and toys with the thought of ending the relationship because she thinks she can get away with it? Because she thinks he will not know or won't care because she could phrase it just right when she asks for forgiveness so that he'll be sure to forgive her?
I'm not sure if that clarifies or complicates, but my point is (and I'll bring it to a close here for tonight) I have not been experiencing the richness and the depth of Christ and my relationship with God because I have not cared to seek him out. And I have not cared to seek him out because I have not been confronting the truth of my situation and what he's done and what he continues to do in sanctifying me, and the truth that I have not been confronting his the Bible, which contains the law, which reveals God's holiness and my sinfulness. This is why I'm writing this series of (my own personal) studies on Romans 8:
1. To bring myself to engage God's Word in a way that is active and requires both the discerning of heart and mind in unison
2. To present my thoughts for others to read or engage in if they so choose
For now I'll stop here.
God bless.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Time and Travel
Time and again one of the strongest effects that traveling has on me is making me think more objectively about my life at home. I am suddenly brought into such a sharp focus as to what things I've been investing time into most in my normal, everyday life. Being here, on the 7th day of my trip to California, I am contemplating my life in Virginia. When I think about the things that comprise my life at home, immediately the word "church" comes to mind. I actually find myself thinking a lot about church while I'm away.
I can't not notice this about myself, so other thoughts like, 'is this much thought about church healthy?' (and this is with a lowercase 'c', so I am not referring to the universal Church) And I'm not so sure I can say yes.
I feel worried about church most of the time, but now I'm also aware of the fact that I feel a bit unanchored. I just finished reading a book yesterday about the lifelong friendship of 11 women (entitled The Girls from Ames) and it got me reflecting on my own friendships growing up. I remember having wonderful, close friends at church when I was younger that I suddenly couldn't see after some time b/c of church politics. I remember feeling sure about my faith but unsure about church in high school. I feel a bit sad to say that I have not kept in touch with any of my grade school and middle school friends. While I do love and care about the friends that I have now, I notice that they are all outside of my church and that it's very difficult for me to be able to say that I have friends within the church I'm at now.
I am uneasy, but still trying to trust that the Lord loves me still, even if I don't necessarily feel that way right now. I'm taking deep breaths and moving forward until I am brought to where the Lord wants me.
In the meanwhile, I'm holding onto this verse:
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.
Luke 22:31-32
(But actually, I read it and insert my own name instead of Peters :P)
I can't not notice this about myself, so other thoughts like, 'is this much thought about church healthy?' (and this is with a lowercase 'c', so I am not referring to the universal Church) And I'm not so sure I can say yes.
I feel worried about church most of the time, but now I'm also aware of the fact that I feel a bit unanchored. I just finished reading a book yesterday about the lifelong friendship of 11 women (entitled The Girls from Ames) and it got me reflecting on my own friendships growing up. I remember having wonderful, close friends at church when I was younger that I suddenly couldn't see after some time b/c of church politics. I remember feeling sure about my faith but unsure about church in high school. I feel a bit sad to say that I have not kept in touch with any of my grade school and middle school friends. While I do love and care about the friends that I have now, I notice that they are all outside of my church and that it's very difficult for me to be able to say that I have friends within the church I'm at now.
I am uneasy, but still trying to trust that the Lord loves me still, even if I don't necessarily feel that way right now. I'm taking deep breaths and moving forward until I am brought to where the Lord wants me.
In the meanwhile, I'm holding onto this verse:
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.
Luke 22:31-32
(But actually, I read it and insert my own name instead of Peters :P)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Why Not at 3:56 in the Morning?
I finished editing a total sum of 48 pages, the result of 3 weeks of grueling research and pain-staking effort that 4 of my classmates and I invested in this final group project.
Total number...
Nights of lost sleep: 3
Grams of sugar consumed tonight: 113g
Times almost fallen asleep tonight: 2
Happy points: :)
Thinking about it, it probably makes more sense to sleep right now rather than spend time updating a silly old blog. The only thing is, I can't sleep, nor can I help myself. The house is quiet; I'm re-hydrating with a bottle of Safeway brand water while listening to some tunes by Colbie Caillat, Jason Mraz, Sanctus Real, Feist, Selah and more.
Different concerns are floating in and out of my mind right now in no particular order; thankfully I'm still so caught up in the joyful stupor of having finished this project that I feel no onset of insecurity.
In all fairness, not all of them are concerns. Some of them are light bulb ideas that are just lighting up the inside of my brain. Recently I've been experiencing an explosion of ideas for the things I've had on my heart the most. Shall I list some of them?
Youth Group ministry has always had a special place in my heart. It's not just because I sympathize with all that the students go through at the high school stage of life (pimples, crushes, social group formation, etc etc, all the savors of high school life); rather, I feel so tugged at heart to know that everyone at that age is searching for identity, significance, belonging. What a soft heart that that searching creates; even the hard hearts can be cracked to reveal a desire to be known, loved and considered. Adults can hide behind the identity that their jobs or social groups give them and, because of the simple and endless passage of time, adults are jaded to conviction. They try so hard not to feel in order to maintain an image of control. This isn't the case with people at the high school level, because as grown-up as they think they want to be, they still sustain a child-like idealism. For this reason, teens are such a passionate force in society. They can be incredibly destructive or incredibly refreshing; sometimes they're both, sometimes they don't adhere to extremities.
I'm getting carried away. Basically, I want to inspire a vision of possibility and an understanding of just what kind of change needs to be enacted and what truth needs to be spoken in public schools today. This by doing something incredible, God-sized and in full view of the Youth Group students at my church.
Bible studies are never enough. If it were then Jesus would've never sent his disciples out to travel and cast out demons, witness or heal in his name; he would have just kept them close and unchallenged. We know that knowledge of truth and feelings of goodwill are not what brings glory to Christ (nope, it's the heart that steps out in faith to extend the Gospel in gracious words and deeds), but guess what: that's something that high school students pick up in a heartbeat. Teens recognize glory. They recognize when something is being glorified, whether it's the stick skinny model in expensive clothing on a magazine page, or the sleek image of a car drawing the stare of an attractive young woman in a commercial, and what's the evidence for their recognition? It's their desire to be like the object of glory. They want to be associated with what is valued, accepted, loved and worshiped even.
So what, what in the world am I getting at?
The teens at my church need regeneration. They need to see someone care about something, passionately and unbearably.
How else can this be accomplished, except by their church teachers pursuing what they truly, madly, deeply (I know, I know. Bad place for a pun.) love and inviting them to join?
What else has been on my mind...
My value for friends. Or rather, my value for people in general.
I once told a friend that I didn't like people; I told her that I had a high regard for specific persons, but that I didn't have so much faith in the people. Makes sense that I would think that way, considering I'd been betrayed by church, people in church that I didn't even know (the quarreling adults and troublemakers). Somewhere along the way though, it stopped being about betrayal and more about being and doing things better than those adults. Not necessarily an evil desire, except that it eventually became rooted in pride when I started desiring to make myself into the perfect, most ideal Christian that ever was. Clearly people needed a better example than Jesus Christ (I roll my eyes at myself).
When I set out with trying to become the perfect Christian, I definitely cut off community. Not really for any reason other than feeling that the perfect Christian didn't admit to having imperfect thoughts or tendencies. So as I tried to lift my superior head higher, I found myself feeling emptier and lonelier; this I blamed other people for, feeling that I merited care and friendship because of my good works. Thus I started spiting people, and felt justified to continue doing so until college started, and all the familiar boundaries of high school gave way to wider spaces on a bigger campus.
(I'm starting to get a bit sleepy, so I'm going to wrap up)
Long story short, I've been sharing things in community that I never knew were chaining me in my faith; I'm still learning how to open up in word and expression to people, and thankfully there's a wonderful man that helps me to do this more and more just by talking to me and seeking me out. I'm experiencing a greater grace than I have ever known before by just enjoying time with Christ-centered people, and it doesn't bring me to tears necessarily; rather I am brought to such a point of refreshment that I start bursting with ideas and desire for God's kingdom to be advanced on earth by way of human expressions of love, hope, and faith, good works and engaging words, for the express means of bringing the attention and glory back to Jesus.
No more now, my eyes are starting to close on their own accord.
But thanks God, for all the things you're working in my heart right now. You're pretty awesome.
Total number...
Nights of lost sleep: 3
Grams of sugar consumed tonight: 113g
Times almost fallen asleep tonight: 2
Happy points: :)
Thinking about it, it probably makes more sense to sleep right now rather than spend time updating a silly old blog. The only thing is, I can't sleep, nor can I help myself. The house is quiet; I'm re-hydrating with a bottle of Safeway brand water while listening to some tunes by Colbie Caillat, Jason Mraz, Sanctus Real, Feist, Selah and more.
Different concerns are floating in and out of my mind right now in no particular order; thankfully I'm still so caught up in the joyful stupor of having finished this project that I feel no onset of insecurity.
In all fairness, not all of them are concerns. Some of them are light bulb ideas that are just lighting up the inside of my brain. Recently I've been experiencing an explosion of ideas for the things I've had on my heart the most. Shall I list some of them?
Youth Group ministry has always had a special place in my heart. It's not just because I sympathize with all that the students go through at the high school stage of life (pimples, crushes, social group formation, etc etc, all the savors of high school life); rather, I feel so tugged at heart to know that everyone at that age is searching for identity, significance, belonging. What a soft heart that that searching creates; even the hard hearts can be cracked to reveal a desire to be known, loved and considered. Adults can hide behind the identity that their jobs or social groups give them and, because of the simple and endless passage of time, adults are jaded to conviction. They try so hard not to feel in order to maintain an image of control. This isn't the case with people at the high school level, because as grown-up as they think they want to be, they still sustain a child-like idealism. For this reason, teens are such a passionate force in society. They can be incredibly destructive or incredibly refreshing; sometimes they're both, sometimes they don't adhere to extremities.
I'm getting carried away. Basically, I want to inspire a vision of possibility and an understanding of just what kind of change needs to be enacted and what truth needs to be spoken in public schools today. This by doing something incredible, God-sized and in full view of the Youth Group students at my church.
Bible studies are never enough. If it were then Jesus would've never sent his disciples out to travel and cast out demons, witness or heal in his name; he would have just kept them close and unchallenged. We know that knowledge of truth and feelings of goodwill are not what brings glory to Christ (nope, it's the heart that steps out in faith to extend the Gospel in gracious words and deeds), but guess what: that's something that high school students pick up in a heartbeat. Teens recognize glory. They recognize when something is being glorified, whether it's the stick skinny model in expensive clothing on a magazine page, or the sleek image of a car drawing the stare of an attractive young woman in a commercial, and what's the evidence for their recognition? It's their desire to be like the object of glory. They want to be associated with what is valued, accepted, loved and worshiped even.
So what, what in the world am I getting at?
The teens at my church need regeneration. They need to see someone care about something, passionately and unbearably.
How else can this be accomplished, except by their church teachers pursuing what they truly, madly, deeply (I know, I know. Bad place for a pun.) love and inviting them to join?
What else has been on my mind...
My value for friends. Or rather, my value for people in general.
I once told a friend that I didn't like people; I told her that I had a high regard for specific persons, but that I didn't have so much faith in the people. Makes sense that I would think that way, considering I'd been betrayed by church, people in church that I didn't even know (the quarreling adults and troublemakers). Somewhere along the way though, it stopped being about betrayal and more about being and doing things better than those adults. Not necessarily an evil desire, except that it eventually became rooted in pride when I started desiring to make myself into the perfect, most ideal Christian that ever was. Clearly people needed a better example than Jesus Christ (I roll my eyes at myself).
When I set out with trying to become the perfect Christian, I definitely cut off community. Not really for any reason other than feeling that the perfect Christian didn't admit to having imperfect thoughts or tendencies. So as I tried to lift my superior head higher, I found myself feeling emptier and lonelier; this I blamed other people for, feeling that I merited care and friendship because of my good works. Thus I started spiting people, and felt justified to continue doing so until college started, and all the familiar boundaries of high school gave way to wider spaces on a bigger campus.
(I'm starting to get a bit sleepy, so I'm going to wrap up)
Long story short, I've been sharing things in community that I never knew were chaining me in my faith; I'm still learning how to open up in word and expression to people, and thankfully there's a wonderful man that helps me to do this more and more just by talking to me and seeking me out. I'm experiencing a greater grace than I have ever known before by just enjoying time with Christ-centered people, and it doesn't bring me to tears necessarily; rather I am brought to such a point of refreshment that I start bursting with ideas and desire for God's kingdom to be advanced on earth by way of human expressions of love, hope, and faith, good works and engaging words, for the express means of bringing the attention and glory back to Jesus.
No more now, my eyes are starting to close on their own accord.
But thanks God, for all the things you're working in my heart right now. You're pretty awesome.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Love
I'm caught in a moment of thanks to God. I was just thinking about what my spiritual walk has been until this point in my life with all its steep hills and sharp, downward spirals; most recently, since the fall of 2008 I'd been facing a spiritual depression of sorts. Things just felt as though they were winding down and down. I was receiving less and less personal care, the kind that I had started to become so dependent on.
Upon hindsight and reflection, maybe this is the reason that God decided to take certain people from me and place them elsewhere. When I first came to college I used to pray so hard for even just one person to come into my life that would refresh me in mind and spirit so that I would not become discouraged and would discern God's vision for my life and church all the clearer (for, even though there was so much to be discouraged by, somehow my spiritual appetite and direction were sharpened instead of blunted). I was given more than I had asked for and, instead of one, God put in my path many different people that encouraged, challenged and refreshed me.
Initially my attention, thanks and praise were pointedly fixed on the Lord. I was in filled with gratitude at God's provision of care and community in my life. Sometime after I was brought into this community and before I went on a summer missions trip to Hawai'i, my attention shifted from sovereign God to my fellow human companions. Though they were excellent friends (still are in fact, and in greater numbers), they made poor substitute gods, and I was soon feeling the effects of exchanging my loving, secure, absolute relationship with the Lord for something less.
The tricky thing about the Great Decline was that its effects, or spiritual repercussions, were not immediately felt. This kept me from being able to see and address the real issue; I was thirsting for Christ, to be renewed in heart, mind and spirit by the promises of God but somehow I dismissed the thirst as a temporary symptom of loneliness brought on by several people in my life making an exit of sorts (moving, going on longterm missions, change of church, change of community, losing touch). Instead of seeking out the Lord I decided to grit my teeth and make more of an effort with the people that I felt close to and were still around me. I didn't realize that this was just deepening an idolization in my heart as I continued to exalt man (as in humanity, not just men) and take my relationship with God for granted.
Over the winter break I had a couple of epiphanies. I realized, as I was spending time in prayer and in the Word, that I needed to come back to foundation, to the Rock that is Christ, the Word that became flesh. I saw and understood suddenly that I'd been surrounded by Scripture and yet somehow apart from it. I'd been ensuring an even greater distance from God by refusing to spend significant time with Him in meaningful, earnest prayer. I'd been letting go so gradually of something so secure that, when the crud finally fell from my eyes and I could see, I found that I'd become a spiritual midget, scared stiff and unsure at every step. I was steadily becoming apathetic and self-absorbed as well. I'm being sort of bare-faced about all this, I don't feel bad for being to recognize what lows I'd been in; the contrast serves to accent the goodness of my God who continues to refine me in character and heart.
But tonight I'm understanding that though the past year has been extremely painful, it was also necessary. There was something I undeniably needed to be cured of, and that was my pride. My conceit. No better way to do that than drag myself through the mud for a while. Without the mud I wouldn't be able to see as clearly as I do now.
And what I see is...
I have loving parents who care so incredibly, even to the point of pain (on their part); a church filled with people yearning to experience and share the love and grace of Christ in relevant, real ways; friendships that are genuine and grounding; a guy that gives a shock to my system every now and again with how smart and yet gracious he is, encouraging me not towards a self-sufficient attitude but really to understand the kind of worth I have because of what Christ does.
I realize that I am more than healed. I'm blessed to overflowing, that I would abundantly bless and love others; that I might be a refreshment to the saints and a reflection of Christ to the world. Dude...and all this by the workings of the Holy Spirit alone, not my own limited motivation and effort.
...it's not evening anymore.
God, sometimes the things You reveal to me keep me up at night. You, and the Italian coffee I had earlier on the amazing date I went on with Josh last night.
Let me give thanks in the proper place here:
Thank You for everything Lord, You really are glorious.
Cheers.
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