Time and Travel

Time and again one of the strongest effects that traveling  has on me is making me think more objectively about my life at home. I am suddenly brought into such a sharp focus as to what things I've been investing time into most in my normal, everyday life. Being here, on the 7th day of my trip to California, I am contemplating my life in Virginia. When I think about the things that comprise my life at home, immediately the word "church" comes to mind. I actually find myself thinking a lot about church while I'm away.

I can't not notice this about myself, so other thoughts like, 'is this much thought about church healthy?' (and this is with a lowercase 'c', so I am not referring to the universal Church) And I'm not so sure I can say yes.

I feel worried about church most of the time, but now I'm also aware of the fact that I feel a bit unanchored. I just finished reading a book yesterday about the lifelong friendship of 11 women (entitled The Girls from Ames) and it got me reflecting on my own friendships growing up. I remember having wonderful, close friends at church when I was younger that I suddenly couldn't see after some time b/c of church politics. I remember feeling sure about my faith but unsure about church in high school. I feel a bit sad to say that I have not kept in touch with any of my grade school and middle school friends. While I do love and care about the friends that I have now, I notice that they are all outside of my church and that it's very difficult for me to be able to say that I have friends within the church I'm at now.

I am uneasy, but still trying to trust that the Lord loves me still, even if I don't necessarily feel that way right now. I'm taking deep breaths and moving forward until I am brought to where the Lord wants me.

In the meanwhile, I'm holding onto this verse:

Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.
Luke 22:31-32

(But actually, I read it and insert my own name instead of Peters :P)